© 2019 by Allison Brost

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    God I'm Afraid

    God, please help me to deal with fear. I feel incapacitated by everything that is out of my hands.

    Like tonight, when I was expecting my husband home and he was over an hour late. And he wasn’t responding to my calls or text messages.

    My mind immediately goes to the worst.

    Or if one of my children is out of my line of sight while in public. My heart is immediately in my chest, my throat swells and I’m just sure something awful has happened.

    Someone has a simple cold and I’m too afraid to expose my children so I cancel plans and stay home rather than “risk” anything.

    I feel like I’ve lost the luxury of thinking everything will just “turn out okay.”

    But my tightened grip on control doesn’t bring relief, either. Instead it wears me down with a constant assault of what if’s and worst case scenarios and fills my next day with even more invisible enemies that I alone am responsible for fighting off.

    God, I don’t want to go on living like this. Being so immobilized with fear. Because, the truth is, every day is an unknown. And as much as I would just like to surround everyone I love in bubble wrap, I’m going to wrap them up so tightly that they won’t even be able to enjoy life.

    This fear threatens to consume me and rob the joy that I could otherwise be experiencing in these moments. It gives me a fake sense of control and tries to take over where my trust in You left off.

    Over and over again in your word, You remind me to not be afraid, to have courage. But how, God?

    The only thing that chases away fear is knowing You.

    So God, I give this fear to you. I don’t want to hold on to it. I’m not in charge, and I don’t want to be.

    I’ll be honest. I don’t like this part of the journey. I wish you’d never taken me here. I know you could have led me down a different path. But You chose this way.

    Help me to follow You for my next footsteps. Show me again that You really are a good Father. That You love me. And, with You, I don’t need to be afraid.